The Blessing of a Godly Wife
Today marks eight years since my wife Jessica and I were joined together in marriage, and I cannot let the day pass without giving thanks to God for her. I am setting aside the usual article reflecting on this week’s verse by verse topic, to do something a little different, namely, to reflect on the gift of a godly marriage and on the quiet, faithful strength of a wife who loves the Lord. Nearly everything I am able to do in the ministry, I am able to do because of her, and I would be remiss not to say so plainly.
The Foundation a Godly Marriage Provides
A marriage built upon Christ becomes a place of comfort and strength when everything else begins to shake. Trials will come, and when they do, it is no small mercy to have a spouse beside you who points you back to God’s truth rather than away from it. A godly marriage is also a daily opportunity. It is an opportunity to show love to another person every single day, and it is an opportunity to be sharpened, because nowhere do we see the impact of our own flesh more directly than in the person who lives beside us. Marriage has a way of exposing the selfishness we might otherwise keep hidden or that may be hidden to us through our own ignorance and pride. That exposure is not a bad thing. It is God’s grace at work, conforming us to Christ.
All of this rests on a pattern God set in place from the beginning. The relationship of Christ to the church is the very picture He gives for marriage, where the husband is to love his wife even as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it, and the wife is to submit to the husband’s godly leadership as Christ submitted to the Father (Eph 5:20-33). A marriage built on that pattern, with Christ at its center and His word as its standard, is not fragile. It has somewhere solid to stand when the winds pick up, and they always do.
A Testimony of Faithful Support
Years ago, when Jessica and I lived in Washington state, I experienced a clear picture of what a godly wife’s support looks like. We held a weekly Bible study in our home with a fairly large group, many of them high school and college age. As we worked through the book of Ephesians, some of the parents became aware of two doctrines I was teaching.
The first was that the one baptism that joins us to the Body of Christ is not a baptism of water, but a spiritual baptism by the Spirit into Christ’s death and resurrection (Eph 4:4-6, 1Co 12:13, Rom 6:1-6). The second was that our justification is by grace through faith alone in the finished work of Christ, apart from our works at any point in time, exactly as the apostle Paul instructs the Body of Christ under grace. That our works play no role in obtaining or keeping our standing with God. This stands distinct from the book of James, which was written to the believing remnant of Israel under a different dispensational instruction, declaring justification without faith AND works is dead (Eph 2:8-9, Rom 3:21-26, Jas 1:1, Jas 2:24).
Some of those parents came to our home. They had no desire to open the Scriptures, even when I offered to sit down and talk about it together. Instead, they told me I was deceiving children, and that I would be better off with a millstone hung about my neck and cast into the sea (Mat 18:6, Mrk 9:42, Luk 17:2). I will be honest with you. However settled your convictions are in the word of God, that kind of accusation does not feel good. And it can begin to cast doubt into your mind.
The carnal response my flesh entertained, and which some others around me encouraged, was simply to stop ruffling feathers, to shut the study down, or at the very least to avoid anything controversial. My conscience knew, and God’s word testified, that was the wrong road, but it was the easy button for my flesh. In that season of doubt, my wife Jessica was an immense comfort and strength to me. She did not feed my discouragement, and she did not nudge me toward the easy path. She encouraged me to press on, and she reminded me of God’s truth.
“For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ.” (Gal 1:10)
We are not here to please men, but God. We are not promised a quiet life removed from all strife. We are called to make all men see what is the fellowship of the mystery (Eph 3:9), and that will not always be received warmly. I do not share this to pat myself on the back for continuing, because that wasn’t my strength at all; that was Christ’s. Nor was it difficult compared to the immeasurable suffering that the martyrs of the past, the prophets, the apostles, or, most importantly, Christ endured. But, in that moment, my flesh wanted to quit. I had real doubts, and the easier road was right in front of me. But my wife reminded me of God’s truth and was an encouragement to me. I share this as a testament to the power of God working through my wife by His Spirit in the inner man. I am eternally grateful for her, for her love for the Lord, and God’s grace working in her.
The Offence of the Cross
Preaching the grace of God and the cross of Christ alone, without works and without water, will always ruffle feathers. And if you haven’t experienced this, it’s just a matter of time. The clear preaching of the mystery of Christ, of salvation by grace through faith apart from works and apart from religious ritual, stands directly against religious flesh and the traditions of men that have ensnared so many, including saved believers. This is nothing new. Paul himself faced the offence of the cross (Gal 5:11), and he warned that those who desire to make a fair show in the flesh do so to avoid the persecution that comes with it (Gal 6:12). Indeed, “all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution” (2Ti 3:12). If you preach grace clearly, you should expect pushback. A spouse who understands this, and who stands with you in it rather than against you, is worth more than I can put into words.
A Wife Worth Far Above Rubies
Continuing to lead that Bible study, starting a church, and standing firm in the faith would have been immeasurably harder, if not impossible, without my wife Jessica. Scripture speaks plainly about the value of a good wife.
“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” (Pro 31:10-12)
That is the wife I have. She has done me good and not evil through these eight years of marriage through her steadfast faith in Christ, and my heart safely trusts her. Is she perfect? No. Neither am I. But she is faithful to Christ and to me, and she is a true blessing to my life. And to be honest, I got the better end of the deal, and you, who know both of us, most definitely can attest to that fact!
This is why it matters so much to marry someone who is in the Lord and who has a desire to serve Him. We see in First Corinthians that a believer is free to marry, “only in the Lord” (1Co 7:39). A shared foundation in Christ, and a shared conviction that God’s truth is to be valued above all else, is more precious than gold. When two believers treasure the same Lord and the same word, they can weather storms together that would otherwise pull a house apart. That foundation is not something to compromise in the pursuit of romance. It is the very ground upon which a godly marriage is built upon. As soon as you face big life decisions or difficult things, being of the same mind in the Lord comes to bear, and without that foundation, life is ever more difficult.
When the Foundation Feels Broken
Perhaps you find yourself already married to someone who is not saved, or who is saved but indifferent to the things of God. Do not lose hope. We are not told to abandon that marriage, but to remain in it and to serve in love, as God loved us. “For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?” (1Co 7:16). See it as an opportunity to serve your spouse in love and truth, to labor for their salvation or their edification, and to walk in love regardless of the response you receive. The love of Christ is the most powerful force in the universe.
Charity “beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things” (1Co 13:7), and charity never fails (1Co 13:8). It is not an easy road, but the fruit is worth the labor. Keep loving, keep praying, and do not grow weary, but rely on the strength of God’s sufficient grace.
A Word of Thanks and an Important Reminder
Godly marriages are a beautiful thing, and I am blessed beyond measure to have a wife who encourages me, equips me, and strengthens me in Christ. We all have shortcomings, and every one of us has days when the flesh is weak. On those days, the encouragement of a godly spouse is a means by which God holds us steady.
Jessica, thank you. Eight years in, I love you more than ever, and I thank God for you daily.
Before I close, I wanted to share one last important reminder. Whatever your role is in the Body of Christ, whether you stand behind a pulpit or simply sit in the pew, the order of your priorities with regard to marriage matters. Your ministry to your own spouse comes first, then your family, and then the wider church. God takes the home so seriously that He made a well-ordered house the very prerequisite for a man to lead the church, asking, “for if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?” (1Ti 3:5). It is easy to pour ourselves into activity and good causes while quietly neglecting the very person God has directed us to love first (after Him of course). Do not let the busyness of life and work, even good and godly work, take priority over the spouse standing right beside you. If you want to “make an impact for the Lord,” it starts in the home, not outside of it.
Stay studious in the word, rightly dividing it and allowing it to renew your mind by faith in it (1Th 2:13, Rom 12:2, 2Ti 2:15). Keep praying with thanksgiving, and rely on the strength of God’s sufficient grace each day (Php 4:4-9). If you are married, thank God for the spouse you have, and then go a step further to tell and show them. Speak your appreciation out loud and often. Couple it with sacrificial love and service, for gratitude left unspoken or not shown in action doesn’t do a whole lot to encourage. And if you are not yet married, recognize the great value of seeking a godly spouse who treasures the Lord and His truth, and do not settle for a foundation of anything less. Praise God for His grace and for the institution of marriage He created.
